Worries of a twenty something

I spent about two days in bed hating myself.

Why don't I simply do the things that I know will make me feel better?
It isn't rocket science. It isn't that difficult. Get out of bed. Eat. See people. Talk to people. Exercise. Write. Read. 

If you want to do something with your life, well ok just go ahead and do something.
Ugh it's too much work and I don't even know where to start. I don't know how to do anything and it'll never work. I'll be judged. I can't do it. I can't do it alone. I don't know anybody. It will be a complete utter disaster and no one will care about it and of course the point of doing everything is to get attention and praise from other people. Yeah I need to get the most followers and the most views. And by doing that I have to promote myself and become a phony and pander like hell. Good job you're really following all the ideals you hold so dearly.  

Good job you stopped yourself from even starting. You're so lazy you'll never accomplish anything.
If you weren't so lazy you probably wouldn't have dragged out this depression for so long. God why do you give up so easily. You make it like a snap decision. Why do you have no commitment and diligence? You're so freakin lazy. You're a phony. You want to cruise by and fool everyone into thinking you're smart but really you did the least amount of work and pretended you worked really hard and you deserve this mark. If there's an easy way you will manipulate people into getting it. And then feel guilty afterwards because oh, you didn't live up to your morals and ideals.

Why are you such a snob and so picky about everything? Unless there's a guaranteed 100% success you don't think it's worth doing. Wow you're arrogant. You think you deserve nothing but the best. You look down on other people. 

You know what fashion has done to you? It's made you into a total snob and wanting nothing but the most expensive and best stuff out there. You want to be the best. The one with the best clothes, the best outfits, the best the best the best.
You can't be the best. You're just a nobody, part of the crowd. You are not particularly smarter than anyone else. You don't create anything. You don't contribute. You just stay at home and observe. 

You like to think you're better than everyone else, that you're not oh ONE OF THEM, the common folk, the phillistines but in reality you are not that special. The only thing that does make you different is that you're a complete utter failure and have depression so la dee da that makes you special. Why aren't you so proud of that? 

Oh it's special because people can pity you and you can manipulate them with their pity and use them to just weedle out more time. But you don't do anything.

God I hate you so much.