I have no control over my emotions. I will be angry for two minutes and then sad again. I will be happy for half an hour and then emotional again.
So far all I've done is lay on my bed and watch episodes of Chopped.
I'm just waiting for it to pass.
I haven't felt "fine" in over 3 years. This relapse makes me feel as though I haven't made any progress at all.
I'm not sure why I'm being so candid about my depression but I suppose if someone else who has depression reads this, we can feel less alone. I have only told a few people. Unfortunately in the last 3 weeks most of these persons have disappointed me.
I have severe trust issues I think. Nobody is infallible. I thought I chose friends carefully but turns out not really.
But really my behaviour is pathetic. Reading about Daul Kim. Listening to MCR. It is as though I'm imitating myself from 2007. Next I'll be wearing studs and guitar earrings.
I just wish...someone around me could understand what it really means to be depressed.
You know the internet is where people express themselves. But everyone complains. So when there is a serious complaint, a serious plea for help, for sympathy, it goes unnoticed. Most people just dismiss it as a plea for attention. We aren't heartless, it's just so many have grown immune and de-sensitized. I'm de-sensitized from reading things like this being told over and over again.
Just so much pain.
It's pretty bad this relapse though. Tumblr and Colbert aren't helping and I always thought they would remind me this world is capable of greatness.